Being an author is like being in charge of your own personal insane asylum.

- Graycie Harmon

Friday, October 1, 2010

Feeling Mediocre

Well, I've made the mistake of reading reviews of Unlocked. I couldn't help it. I was quite excited to see what people thought of it.

The reviews aren't bad, actually. They're generally quite positive....

But Her Father's Eyes isn't mentioned in any review that I've read. Other stories are mentioned as favourites. It's a bit like this:

The stories are all alright, but the stands outs are Title, Title, Title, not Her Father's Eyes.

Before everyone throws their arms in the air and gets mad at me, I'm not jealous of the other writers who are mentioned. I'm really very pleased for them, actually. They all worked hard and are amazingly talented authors.

I'm just feeling mediocre right now. Like I'm not good enough. Like I'm not going to make it.

Maybe I am a mediocre writer. Maybe I'm just not that good.

I don't think I'm terrible, or I wouldn't have gotten into the anthology in the first place. I'm just not great. This talent that I thought I had? Maybe I don't have enough of it.

I'm not saying this for pity comments either - so don't go spouting false praise to make me feel better. I'll just get suspicious. I don't like flattery.

I'll still keep trying, of course. There is only one way to improve, and that's to keep writing. I'm just much less certain than I was.

It'll pass. I'll get my confidence back, and this mood will be over.

Ah... the highs and lows of pursuing a dream.....

Alright. Everyone have a great weekend. I'll be back Monday, barring hell or high water!


Jaimey Grant said...

This is why temperamental authors (such as you and me) should never read reviews. We start to doubt ourselves.

We all put a lot of love and effort into our stories. We deserve a pat on the back for that. Two editors decided your story was good enough to include and all of us in the book enjoyed reading it. Take comfort in that. :o)

Maybe I'm weird but I think I'd rather have no mention than the negative mentions I've been getting...

S.M. Carrière said...

Thanks, Jaimey!

I know the story wasn't utter crap, or I wouldn't have been in the anthology at all.

It is disheartening, though, isn't it? I can't image what a negative review would feel like. I am counting my blessings on that score!

I have learnt my lesson - never read reviews.

I say I've learnt my lesson, but when I release 'The Dying God,' I'll still read the reviews... I'm pretty certain of it... Curse my curiosity!