Being an author is like being in charge of your own personal insane asylum.

- Graycie Harmon

Thursday, March 11, 2010


Yesterday I got a sudden, chilling fear that gripped my heart with its icy fingers and threatened to stop the beating. It was an odd, irrational kind of fear. The kind of fear that showed me a version of the future that I did not much like.

I saw that instead of these posts eventually leading up to publication, they became a permanent chronicle of failure. Day after day, month after month, year after miserable year of rejection letters, of shattered hopes and dreams and I saw myself, a failure, sitting quietly in a corner in the dark.

To think, this actually could be the outcome. Now, I'm not saying that I will fail. I will do everything in my power to not fail. However, the truth of the matter is, I may not be accepted by an agent or publisher. At all. Ever. That is entirely possible.

What happens then? Would I self-publish? Probably, but in all honesty, if an agent or acquisition editor did not find my work worthy of publication, it might be because it's absolute drivel and shouldn't be published. Who knows?

All I know is I did not want to become that failure I saw in a sudden vision. Yet, as an aspiring author, I must be prepared for such an eventuality. Not everyone can become the next Steven King or J.K. Rowling.

Even if we really, really want to.

Right, well, there is marking to be done, so I must fly. Have a wonderful Thursday everyone.


KuietKelticGirl said...

Ummm..... On the note of remaining positive, you should still hope for the best. Yes, by all means, prepare for what you would do *IF* - not when - things don't work out the way you want, prepare other alternatives, and consider perhaps a different definition of success. But reading this, it makes it sound like the fear has gotten you, and now you are just waiting for the axe of failure to hit.

When I was applying for my job, I sat back and said "OK, now I just need to wait for them to read it and realize I'm the best choice, and now they need to offer me a test". When I wrote the test, I sat back and said, "Now I just need to wait for them to grade it and realize I'm the best choice, and now they need to offer me an interview". When I had my interview, I sat back and said "Now I just need to wait for them to realize I'm the best choice, and now they need to offer me a job".

It took 2 years, and I didn't stop doing what I was already doing. I did determine that worst case was that I either kept my horrific job that at least paid the bills, or I found something else, and I didn't stop applying or looking for other jobs. But it didn't hurt to remain hopefully, even arrogantly so, and I can't help but think that positive attitude throughout came through on it's own when I did any correspondance for the job and certainly for the interview.

Moral of the story: Stay positive! It won't hurt, and it might help. Plan for the worst, but could you please stop sounding like you've already been defeated when you've barely begun? kthxbye! :-)

S.M. Carrière said...

You're absolutely right. I must stay positive!

I will stay positive!

I will be published, damn it!

Thanks KuietKelticGirl.