Sorry this post is so late, the computer is being obnoxiously slow again.
There has been an awful lot for me to report this past weekend. I'll start with the fun stuff.
I am so incredibly sunburnt. That in itself is not fun. It's actually quite painful. I haven't been this sunburnt since I was a teenager, running barefoot through the bush in Australia. The reason I'm so sunburnt? Well, my sister and her husband are in Canada on a visit, so I took them to Le Nordik Spa in Chelsea, Quebec (actually, they took me. They wouldn't let me pay for myself.... I had wanted to spoil them....). It's an awesome Nordic Spa. We spent much of the morning there. As it turned out, it was quite a sunny day and, of course, I hadn't thought to bring sunscreen.
Entirely my fault. The burn didn't show up until long after I returned home. In fact, it was only after I had woken from my nap that I noticed the burning, itching, feels-like-I'm-a-walking-radiator sensation. Ugh.
The day before that, I took them to Lefleche Adventure Aerial Park. It rained... heavily... and so our Aerial Adventure was cancelled as the park was closing down as we arrived. We had to go into the reception area to book an alternate date. July 2nd it better not be raining! I was sorely disappointed about that.
In terms of writing news, right now, I'm in a 'low.' I get these periodically, these 'lows.' I'm sure that's fairly normal, but this one is quite severe and has me ready to pack it in. I never thought I'd actually consider giving up, but I actually am.
If I was a good writer, then surely someone would have spotted that by now? Surely at least one agent would have liked what I had written? I'm so disheartened by this whole process, the hoping against hope, only to be deflated by rejection after soul-crushing rejection.... I don't need to have one more dream crushed, thank-you very much.
More than once this weekend I cried over the whole affair. It's stupid, I know. I can't do anything except what I am doing.... so it's all out of my control and crying won't help matters any. I've alternated between despondency and anger and back again. I'm mostly angry at myself for letting myself get too hopeful, too invested in this stupid game. Chances of success are never very great.
That voice in the back of my head, the one I had written about that encourages me? It's back now. Practically screaming, actually. All sorts of confusing thoughts are going through my head and have been all weekend.
Evidence suggests I give up. Little voice's very powerful encouragement says not. Sometimes I think that becoming an author is the right direction - my path, and then other times I think that there wouldn't be so many heart-breaking obstacles if that were the case.
I mean, am I just wasting my, and everyone else's, time? My experiences to date have told me that perhaps I'm not such a great writer after all. Was everyone just being kindly when they said they loved my stuff? Is it absolute rubbish in reality? Just when did I start thinking 'I could do this' in the first place? What the hell was I thinking?! It's a miserable game. I hate it.
And then that stupid little voice pops into my head, and I read nice rejections like the one that began with:
'Dear Ms. Carriere,
You are a good author and this looks like a book that will be published....'
And I wonder if I can do it after all.
I can tell all aspirants one thing, this sucks!
As it stands right now, I will tie up the loose ends and leave it at that. I will finish editing the story for Unlocked. I will be reading at the Stellar Literary Festival in Oshawa this weekend. I will complete and self-publish the anthology I've written for Lebrary.com. I will wait for the rest of the replies for The Third Prince, but not submit for that story any more. I will, as I said, fix up The Seraphimè Saga and submit it to that intriguing competition I mentioned. And that will be all.
Not forever, mind. The urge to write is thoroughly uncontrollable. I will, however, be taking an extended sabbatical from the publishing game. I don't know for how long. Until I get bored, I suppose.
I will be maintaining this blog. I'm sure there will always be something to write about.
Hope I didn't bring everyone down too much. Have a great Monday everyone.