Ahem. I've had coffee. And chocolate. Can you tell?
In any case, my flatmate is incredibly awesome. She read my blog post yesterday and I depressed the hell out of her (I'm assuming many others too - sorry guys, that's how I was feeling). In any case, early in the afternoon, just after lunch, I returned to my computer and sat down. I just opened up the browser when my flatmate dashed in. She plonked a cup on my desk, said (so rapidly that I almost missed it), "Your blog made me sad, here's a hot chocolate, I've gotta go." and disappeared out the door again before I had a chance to thank her.
I sat in stunned silence for a moment before I called out a meek "thank-you" to the closed door.... and then I laughed. She told me later the look on my face was priceless.
It turns out that she stopped at the local Bridgehead (a fair-trade coffee house) on her way to work to buy me a hot chocolate because she felt badly for me. She was running a little late for work, so she didn't have much time to do anything else but drop the hot chocolate off and run away.
Is that not the most awesome thing ever? It really made my day yesterday!
Now about yesterday's post.... No, I am not suicidal, though I can reach incredible lows sometimes (like yesterday). Yes, I will continue to be candid about what the business of publishing is about and how it affects me. That's why I started this blog. Part of the reason I so candidly express everything I'm going through is for the benefit of others. It's so that they, meaning you, know that hurting is normal, and sometimes even generally cheerful people (which I am... despite my pretty depressing posts) feel the pinch. It more especially for the benefit of other struggling writers for two major reasons:
1. Continually being shot down by the publishing industry SUCKS!
2. At risk of stereotyping, creative people on the whole have that tendency to be a little more morose. It's true! I read a paper once that linked creativity and genius both to a higher concentration of depressant neurotransmitters in the brain. Go figure.
Wish I could find that article again, I'd post a link here. If you know that article, post a link!
Another reason I am candid is a little more selfish - that is, it provides something of a cathartic release. After I write about how I feel, I tend to feel better. Puts the pressure off, so to speak. A burden shared is a burden halved kind-of-thing.
I have received some incredibly powerful emails of survival from other people who have, like me, struggled with depression. There are some beautiful stories out there. Thank-you to everyone who has shared a little of themselves. You are all amazing, beautiful souls!
A report on my emotional state today - I feel great (still thinking I might be manic....)! I went to training last night, and that always helps. For the first time in three weeks I worked out. I'd just like to say that after three weeks of rest and relaxation, I am wickedly out of shape! For the first time ever, I felt like throwing up during exercise. Not good! I made it through without throwing up, but I did rest for the last hour.
I reconnected with my Kung Fu family, and being surrounded by such good people is the perfect anathema against misery! I also got very bruised on my right forearm, so much so that I can't put it on the chair's armrest without wincing. Though I am tired this morning, I feel great. Exercise... for more than just losing weight!
Right, there is a lot of work for me to do today. I hope everyone is well! Have a beautiful Wednesday!