Monday started out with such promise. I was so relaxed and feeling great after a completely self-indulgent Sunday. It was not to last, however. No sooner had I finished writing and publishing Monday's blog post than two more rejections arrived in my inbox.
Granted, they were both kindly worded, but they were still rejections. It upset me. I should have been marking exams, but instead I found myself querying yet more agents (by the by, there is a fantastic website called Agentquery.com, a link to which happily resides now on the left hand side of this blog under "Writer's Resources.").... and I was suddenly feeling depressed.
I went home only to discover an email from my landlord saying she was planning on selling the triplex in which we live - hello uncertainty - and wanted access to the flat tomorrow at noon. The place isn't very tidy, thanks to the frantic lives my flatmate and I both lead. I now had to catch up on the day's marking and clean the entire house.
Persephone is in heat, again, and thought that spraying me was a great way to get a tom's attention.
That was the proverbial straw that broke the donkey's back. I lost it. Not as in an aggressive destroyed-everything-in-my-path sort of lost it. I just collapsed in on myself. All the strength I thought I had to face the countless rejections all aspiring authors must face simply vanished, leaving me alone and small. I curled up into a ball on my bed and cried so hard I had to remind myself to breathe, which I forgot to do and so promptly had a panic attack.
I haven't had a panic attack since my first year of university, when I was miserable where I lived, stressed out of my mind as it was end of year exams, and hating the programme I was enrolled in. I used to get panic attacks quite frequently in high school (school bullies made my life miserable). This one was the first in many, many years. They're not fun.
I'm too busy right now. I have too much to do. There's cleaning of the house that needs doing. Marking that needs finishing. Agents to query. Articles to write..... and it seems that everywhere I turn there are more demands on my time.
I feel so run down.
The only light there seems to be is news that my eldest sister is coming for a visit this summer. I have all sorts of things planned to do with her. I intend to go to Laflèche Adventure Caves and Aerial Park with her (going to get a group together), she will be attending at least one of my training sessions with Wutan, and possibly an Equestrian Archery lesson. It will be good! Best of all, it's only a couple of months away!
Right. Monday was terrible. Let's see if today improves the week any.... Have a happy Tuesday. I will try to....
2 comments:
Unless you are contractually obliged to keep your home in a certain state, I'd have thought not tidying up would have meant your landlord would have a far harder time trying to sell the place from under you.
On a different note, I have what passes for my own creativity somewhat channelled by present (and entertainingly past) employers. I'm under a perpetual non-disclosure agreement with one company I used to work for, so even careful references to the insanity I saw a decade ago is permissible. Shame, as that's rather a ripe source of characters.
My present employer (or rather, the company which owns the company which owns the company I originally work for) has indicated that any blogs pretty much have to be run passed their legal team, and they've also made veiled reference to someone who didn't do so before publishing someone on the web suddenly being in the market for a new job. Nice.
My original employer states quite clearly in my contract that anything I create, even in my free time, off the premises is subject to their ownership and copyright control, if it is deemed (and guess who gets to decide that?) connected with my, their, or our customers work.
Now, if I worked for a company which made car parts, I'd not be bothered so, but I work in the media industry, and there isn't one of our customers who isn't dependent on creative writing to make money.
I'd happily swap that for your collection of rejections. At least you *can* submit work.
*anonymous, from a non-work computer, because I am that paranoid)
Oh my goodness, Anonymous! That's simply awful!
How can anything you create out of work-time and away from the premises belong to the company? That doesn't sound even remotely legal to me! How is it possible that companies are permitted to do that?
I am seriously outraged for you!
Well, rejections still suck, but I am very grateful that I do have the opportunity to submit.
Thanks for putting things back into proper perspective.
... I'm still in a state of utter shock at your company....
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