I'm in a bad mood for a number of reasons. Firstly, this weekend was completely wasted. I remained in bed all weekend, in excruciating agony, thanks in whole to my back. It decided to seize up, apparently.
And it was such a beautiful weekend as well.
My little brother is back in Australia, and should be here. That makes me irate as well.
The thing is, when I get in this mood, I have a terrible tendency to turn everything inward. That is to say, I reflect more on my failings in life.
It isn't helped that my birthday is coming up soon.
I always get depressed around my birthday. The thought pattern goes something like this:
I'm going to be turning (insert age) soon. What have I achieved? No, really. What? I'm in a low-paying, boring job. I don't have a significant other. No house. Not even a car. Sure, I've written a few books. Sure, friends like reading them.
But acquisition editors don't.
Sure I have a published book.
But it's self-published.
And isn't selling.
In short, I'm failing. I'm failing at writing. I'm failing at life.
Don't go all aggro on me. I'm just telling you how my brain works when I'm in a bad mood and or when my birthday approaches.
It takes a great deal to drag me out of these moods. I have to forcibly remind myself that I'm not a failure. I mean, how many other people can boast that they've written nine books before the age of 30? I'm making my bills, and have some for fun left over. I've got great credit. I've got amazing friends, do incredible things and am generally extraordinarily lucky.
I just don't feel like it today.
Well, I have 3 000 words to write today. I'd best get on that. Have a good Monday... if you can.
An exploded chymical name for an imaginary substance, thought to be a constituent part of all inflammable bodies.
- William Grimshaw's Ladies' Lexicon and Parlour Companion, 1846
The existence of phlogiston was denied by Lavoisier in 1775, and though stoutly maintained by Priestley, belief in it was generally abandoned by 1800.
- Sir James Murray's New English Dictionary, 1909
In French newspapers, or other in which the French custom is followed, a portion of one or more pages marked off at the bottom from the rest of the page and appropriated to light literature, criticism, etc. Adopted from French, from feuillet, a diminutive of feuille, leaf. Feuilletonism, aptitude for writing feuilletons; feuilletonist, a writer of feuilletons.
- Sir James Murray's New English Dictionary, 1897