Being an author is like being in charge of your own personal insane asylum.

- Graycie Harmon

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

All Together?

I was having a chat last night after J.M-B., her sister K. M-B. and our friend A.L. gathered to put up the Christmas tree.

Well, better late than never.

A.L. noted that it sounded like I had everything all sorted out, altogether and properly lined up here on this blog. My reaction was pure astonishment.

Sorted out? Altogether? Hells no!

I'm freaking out!

The truth of the matter is, I'm not anywhere near as organised or sorted out as I've apparently made myself seem. I just did the things I did last week and this week because they needed to get done for me to move forward with my devious plans. I have NO idea what I'm doing. Zip. Zero. Zilch.

I'm quite literally stumbling over my own clumsy feet as I bumble through this life. I came across my passion for writing, and the desire to make it my living a little late in the game - after I'd graduated from university. I'm still a bit up in the air about that. I want to continue with my academic pursuits as well, but the Master's degree I want is prohibitively expensive (CAD21 000.00), and overseas. Without a steady homestead and unwilling to leave a flatmate who is, frankly, an incredibly awesome flatmate, in the lurch, following my academic interests is a little tricky at the moment.

Want to donate? C'mon! It's a good cause.

I shake my head at myself. Reduced to pan-handling online. I think that's a new low for me.

There are other things I really want to do with my life. I have a tonne of other interests and ideas that are screaming for an outlet. I can see these all clearly. I just have no idea how to get there. This small little side venture I'm currently trying to organise is just a teeny tiny step on the way... and it's terrifying and difficult and I am pretty much winging it as I go.

All this to say, despite looking like I know what I'm doing and that I have all my stuff together, I really, really, really don't. So don't despair if you feel lost. Chances are, even the most put together person you see is feeling that way too.

The moral of the story, if a scatterbrained scaredy-cat like me can do it, so can you! Make your dreams come true. Wishing stars can only do so much.


To argue with a master.
- Morris Marple's University Slang, 1950


Pam Asberry said...

If we waited until we had everything figured out to start a new venture, we would probably never attempt anything. Sometimes it's best not to think too hard about a thing, but to just GO FOR IT. That's what you're doing and I am so excited about it. I have no doubt that the details will become clear as you get closer to your destination. Yay, rah, S.M.!!

S.M. Carrière said...

Thank, Pam!

I'm very excited as well as terrified and feeling incredibly clumsy. With luck, it'll all work out...