Swallowing My Pride

It seems, from the general reaction I've been getting, that I have accidentally demonised the editors.

This blog is meant to be a record of my experiences as I see them, so I set to document the process of my first ever real-life editing situation, and how I was feeling and why. What I did not mean to do was give the impression that the editors were evil, horrid little guttersnipes. They aren't. I guess that point was missed every time I wrote it.

So again for the record:

The editors are not evil, and I'm so incredibly sorry for giving the impression that they were.

The frustrations I were experiencing were derived largely from a misunderstanding. I had originally thought that the proof sent to us was a final. Had it been a final (as in, this is what we're going to print, have fun, bye-bye), then I would gladly stand by my decisions and weather whatever storm came my way. As it turns out, I had misunderstood and the proof was simply a "hey guys, here's what the book will look like' (it looks awesome, by the by). The editing process was still underway.

Also a factor was that I was completely unused to the style of editing I had been presented with. This is not the editor's fault, just so we're clear. I have since learned that this is the most usual way editors deliver their suggestions.

Previously, any suggestions that anyone had made were done via notes and comments, not in text. I was wholly unused to suggestions being written in text, and had mistaken such a suggestion for 'it will be this way' (since I am so opposed to presenting work that is not my own as my own, I found this a little affronting. My fault again, as I was at liberty to rewrite it in my own words, or explain why I thought it might be better if we did it another way, or something). Suggestions I had received prior to that were always in comments or brackets in the text or in notes at the end of the text and were less added dialogue/sentences/paragraphs than notes like 'this needs more description, what were the horses doing here while this was going on?' or 'more dialogue is needed to explain this' or 'wtf? This makes no sense whatsoever, are you trying to say this ......' etc.

This whole experience has been one very steep learning curve, and I had found it challenging and frustrating, and that was as much my fault as anyone else's.

So, to my editors (who are luckily very understanding) I am so very sorry. I did not mean to make you out as one-eyed daemons from the seventh level of hell. You most definitely aren't.

Right, I have some stuff that needs doing today, so happy Monday everyone (an oxymoron, I know). Take care.

Musings Of The Self

I have it at last. After what can only be described as an epic journey through the murky, shark-filled ocean that is my psyche, I have finally struck on something that might explain my issues.

I cannot attach my name to something that isn't mine.

I don't quite know where this aversion stems from, but I highly suspect that it arises from my years in academia. It's called plagiarism if you present someone else's work as your own. It doesn't matter if it's just one sentence, you are penalised heavily. 'Find a way to say it in your own words' was drilled into me the moment I stepped onto campus.

Couple that with the value I place on honesty, and I have one huge issue.

I can't handle words in my story that are not mine because, well, they're not mine. It's not as prideful or arrogant as one might first suspect. I feel that credit should go where it is deserved. If I attach my name to something that isn't mine, and reap all sorts of rewards from it, I will be so plagued by guilt as to spiral into a depression that I won't be able to climb out of until I come clean.

I know this because it's happened before.

So, I will continue to defend honesty and hope that everyone will understand.

I have to tell you, since I've made my decision to pull out if a compromise cannot be reached, I feel much better about everything. I know that it's not a reflection of the editors failings (because it really, really isn't - they have a specific style they are trying to achieve), and I can take full responsibility for my actions feeling like it was the right thing to do, rather than stressing and crying about whether I was just being a diva or not.

So, I feel great today. I hope everyone else is too. Have a great weekend, everyone!

Yet More Editing Frustrations

I know no one likes the editing process, but this is getting stupid.

So, the editors send the final proofs in .pdf format (essentially how the eBook will look). It looks fabulous, by the by. They asked us to review our stories and make final changes before the thing goes to press.

Well, it appeared as though they had completely ignored the final draft I had sent them, went back several edits ago, then added in a whole whack of stuff that I had either disagreed with, or was never run by me in the first place. They even went so far as to replace my version of their suggestions with theirs, and even adding dialogue to a character I had deliberately kept silent (and this was a change that had not been run by me before the proof came in).

To say I was taken aback is an understatement. Call me naive, but isn't the proof supposed to be more or less agreed upon by both parties?

At first, I was just so tired of fighting I sent a note that said (more or less) 'looks good. Noticed some changes, but I agree with them.' Essentially, I had given up... and become a liar. The majority of the changes I did not agree with. They were either redundant, superfluous or obfuscating, and any combination thereof. Some changes were really very good (addition of the tears should have been obvious, but it took the editors to show me it...). I ended up sending back a second email listing everything I wanted changed and how I wanted to change it. I was editing the editors... on my story....

Now, I'm not trying to make the editors out to be the bad guys here. They really are lovely people. I interact with them online and they are fun to talk to. They are knowledgeable and helpful and generally wonderful, good-hearted people.

I know that other contributors to this anthology agreed with all the edits presented to them by the editors, so I know that they are good editors.

So why am I having so much difficulty with this damned process?

I did a lot of soul-searching last night. I mean, a lot. I know my faults well. I know I'm stubborn. I know I can be proud. My biggest fault of all is that when I feel I am being pushed, I push back - hard.

So, are my changes a knee-jerk reaction to the feeling of being pushed? Being honest with myself, I think there might be some of that in there. However, there is also the fact that I'm a forthright person. I can be blunt. However, it's not a one-sided street. I expect people to treat me with the same honesty. I am not affronted by bluntness (provided it's honest and constructive, not just plain mean).

I am O.K. with comments that read 'this sentence is absolute crap, what are you trying to say?' or 'clean this up, it reads oddly' or 'this word doesn't suit, he's not in a movie, find a better one, you tool.' or even 'I really didn't like this story. It needs more description, it needs more depth, your characters are one sided....'

I'm alright with suggestions. For example, 'write in more description here.' 'Explain how the sheep behave when this happens.' and so on and so forth. I can handle suggestions of alternate words or sentences that might help me make what I'm trying so say that much better.

I then address those comments and resend the work and see if it is improved. What gets my goat, so to speak, is when suggestions are made, and I work them in, only to find that they've been rewritten again, without my consent, and say exactly the same thing I did, but not in my language. Or, when suggestions aren't made, but suddenly the story has changed. Or when a compromise was supposed to have been reached, only to have it ignored.

When a final is handed to you riddled with changes that were neither made nor approved by you, then the story is no longer yours. The editors have fashioned themselves as co-authors.

I did not sign up for that.

I spoke to a friend of mine who is a published author (albeit academic publishing) about this issue yesterday. She said she knew precisely how I felt, that she also had editors that made nonsensical changes and it drove her up the wall. She also noted that she was lucky as her editors were fairly flexible, and compromises were easily reached.

Mine appear not to be. The final proof with the score or so changes that I had neither made nor approved said to me that it was their way or no way at all. Frankly, I'm frustrated enough to take the 'no way at all' option right now.

I feel bullied. I know that's not the editors' intentions, but that's how I feel right now. It's quite one thing to make suggestions, and quite another to rewrite large tracts yourself.

I stand by the integrity of my work. Any work presented as mine will be my work, or it will not be presented at all.

I'm afraid that if a compromise cannot be reached, I will have no choice but to pull out of the project altogether.

Back at Training

After more than a week hiatus from training due to inexplicable nausea, I went back to training last night. It was awesome. I went home tired, but feeling incredible. This morning, my legs were like jelly, though. My quads are trembling fair amount. It's a good pain....

There was an exciting Ziggs.com search that I think was actually intended for me not the other one. You know, *whispers* the porn star.

So hello to:

Visitor Location: United States
Date: June 09, 2010
Time: 2:05 AM EST

Whomever that might be. I was excited about this search because they actually searched my writing pseudonym (which is just my first two initials plus my surname). That's generally a good clue that they weren't looking for the other one.

I writing news, I've finished the short stories for my project. I now just have to write three poems (and re-write a fourth). That is proving a little more difficult than I might have suspected. There seems to be little inspiration for poetry at the moment. After that I have 5 illustrations I must complete and scan in.

Then once everything is edited, and I get permission from the photographer I contacted to use his photo for the front cover (I'll try contacting him again today... If I don't get permission, I'll use one of my photos. It might be worth buying photoshop...), then I'll submit it to Lebrary.com for sale. Yay.

The illustrations are likely to take quite a while, and if the poetry refuses to be written, it's going to be another couple of months before this particular project is ready.

For those of you who are considering self-publishing and doing the entire thing from scratch, it's a lot of work. I mean a lot.

Luckily it is happy work! Right, I have to get inspired to write poetry, so I'll leave it there. Have a lovely Wednesday everyone!

Its The Small Things

Life's little pleasures are really what makes life worth living. Sometimes we lose sight of that. It's important to do things that make you happy.

For example, this morning I woke up to find both kitties asleep and purring on my legs. That made me so happy (and a little late, as I didn't want to get up and disturb them). I ate toast with vegemite for breakfast, which made me very, very happy. The sun was shining beautifully as I walked to work, which made me happy, and so on and so forth.

The same is said for writing really. You must celebrate the small things. Hit your word count for the day? Celebrate! Finished a chapter, a paragraph, a sentence? Celebrate!

Life just isn't any fun if you can't celebrate....

So on that note, happy Tuesday all!